How to Approach a Girl You Suspect You’ve Approached Before

I am the king of reapproaching girls. In seven weeks in New York City this summer, I reapproached a couple dozen girls, some of them up to three times. At first, I was worried, awkward, and angry at myself for this, but after more than a few of these experiences, I developed a process to smooth the process:

If You’re Almost Sure You’ve Approached Her Before

Note that if the girl gave you strictly negative compliance the first time (directly saying no, or giving a pretty clear deflection), it’s best not to approach her again.

But if she gave you neutral or even positive compliance, it’s worth approaching her again. Two of my lays recently have come from daygame reapproaches. One of the girls I reapproached three times before she finally met up with me!

Your frame for this should be “look at you again!” or “wowwww why are you stalking me ;-)”. It’s best if she sees you first and recognizes you. But if she doesn’t what I do is walk up to the girl and catch her eye with a mischevious grin on my face, until I get the glint of recognition. Then I say something like “we really can’t keep meeting like this :)” and launch into the set again.

If the girl looks at you like you’re a total stranger, just apologize and say you mistook her for someone else. Then continue with the set as normal.

If You’re Not Sure If You’ve Approached Her Before

The best thing to do here is say as short of an opener as possible so you can calibrate off her reaction. Typically I’ll catch her eye and say “Hey…” and pause for a second or two, just long enough to get her to react. You want the tonality on the “Hey” to be almost one you’d use if you were greeting someone you’d met before.

If she recognizes you, then use the “you again!” tonality as described above. If she’s giving you a negative reaction, smile and say “calm down, I was just saying hi again :)”

If she doesn’t give any look of recognition, run the set as normal.

If You Accidentally Reapproach Her

During times where you’re accidentally reapproaching a lot of girls, I always recommend opening with something neutral, like “hey” instead of “excuse me”. The former sounds like something you’d say to a friend, while the latter you’d only say to a stranger.

If you say “hey,” you might still buy yourself enough time for her to recognize you. Then, you can simply play it off as described above: “you again!”

Most times, though you’ll be halfway into your opener before she says something. I’ve even had entire conversations with girls before they’ve told me. This is definitely pretty awkward, but don’t act awkward or weird about it. Always play it off with a joke:

“Guess you didn’t make much of an impression the first time ;-)”

“Apparently I have a type ;-)”

On a rare occasion, girls will get very mad that you’ve approached them again. Don’t enter into a frame battle with them. Just laugh at them, as if they’re the ones being weird, and walk away.

3 thoughts on “How to Approach a Girl You Suspect You’ve Approached Before

  1. S

    This is something that I worry of a lot. I haven’t approached a high volume of women in general and i’ve only reapproached one girl who I didn’t recognize in a dunkin donuts. She was this really pretty, hot spanish girl and I nervously told her she was pretty and she just smiled and said I spoke to her before. Wasn’t a negative experience,but i’m generally an overthinker and worry about coming across as a weird creepy spam approacher to some girls especially if I approach a lot in the same neighborhood. Some of my online friends reapproach the same girls too and one even reapproached this girl he literally had sex with earlier that week,but didn’t recognize lol. Apparently she wasn’t mad about it. Even with all these assurances of nothing bad happening with a girl flipping out on you for reapproaching her I still fear worst case scenario like a mentally unstable girl or one with a nasty attitude.

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  2. Yes, it happens, especially if you’re frequenting the same locations. I cycle through locations when I’m gaming daily, in part to not burn venues to the ground and also to avoid re-approaching.

    If I do re-approach a girl accidentally, I act like I don’t know what she’s talking about when she says she recognizes me, and game her as usual. I don’t really C&F, since it’s not really a “clutch” moment, basically override that conversational thread and keep moving. The reason why I don’t like to address it is because (for me, anyway) it tends to keep the set in the approach/open stage instead of pushing it forward – – instead, if I just keep talking and push the set into qualification ASAP, that usually works a lot better. The same applies if I open a girl and it turns out she knows me through a mutual friend or other social circle connection.

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