Why “Just Be Social/Normal/Natural” Doesn’t Work (For Me)

The most common advice I get, usually from naturals or advanced guys who don’t know me that well, is: “You’re overthinking it!” “Just be fun! Just be social!” I don’t mind this advice: it’s coming from a good place, and it actually is helpful to a point. For beginner guys who are in their own heads, this is actually perfect advice.

But I think one of the reasons why I find it frustrating is that I have very different sticking points than most guys.

I’ve been a “social natural” my entire life.
I am, without a doubt, the most extroverted person I’ve ever met (I score 100/100 on the Meyers Briggs extroversion test).
I am a natural social leader.
I have a ridiculous, almost overwhelming amount of confidence.

Yet none of these traits have ever gotten me laid (see: My Story).

The best way I can explain this is that some guys were “intentful naturals”, e.g. they possessed the above traits and had a lot of natural repetitions with women. I was a pure social natural. I had a lot of social reps, but none of them involved any sort of intent with women.

I can tell this because I lack a bunch of intricacies that seem to come naturally to naturals. Stuff like how to escalate, how to pull, how to manage groups… all of these are things that had to be explained manually to me. That’s why I tend to like Todd V’s analysis, he’s very specific in terms of if situation X, then move Y. I feel like naturals don’t realize that they’ve internalized these behaviors through years and years of practice.

So while “just be social” can be a helpful cue on a night out of being too “intense” and being too much of a sniper, it’s not my sticking point.

My sticking point is learning all of the fundamentals and intricacies of seduction. How to pull. How to manage groups. How to handle objections. How and when to disqualify. How to make her chase. This is why I’ve dedicated one year to learning pure seduction, and writing the associated field reports to go along with it. Hopefully, in November 2022, I’ll be able to look back on this post and say “I think I get it now”.

3 thoughts on “Why “Just Be Social/Normal/Natural” Doesn’t Work (For Me)

  1. Koen - Mosdia

    Good point! 

    I agree that it can be difficult for naturals to explain exactly what is going on and why and how to respond to this. 

    I notice this with texting as well. When I teach people how to text, with every element, the replies I get the most are: “When do I do this, Why do I do this?” and “How can I repeat this?”

    Even though there have been a lot of people thinking, writing, and speaking about communication, I think we are far from fully having everything in writing (at least in 1 place). 

    At the same time, this is exciting because there are a lot of things to explore.


  2. In my experience, the same personality traits that are my greatest strengths are also my most stubborn sticking points in game. I’m guessing this ‘critical blindness’ is a shared experience, everyone I’ve winged with has had it as well.

    Example: guys who are really good at building comfort will keep having to deal with sets that are initially compliant but stall midway. Guys who are really good with attraction buying temperature spikes will try to run attraction all the way to the close. Guys who are overly technical will often fall in love with complex moves and ruin what could have been a straightforward fools mate situation.

    I don’t think this is a bad thing, TBH, I’ve always believed that developing my game around my core style of interpersonal interaction and playing to strength is a very stable foundation to work from. I’m not a fan of ‘having a well rounded skill-set’ as much as I’m interested in exploring the areas of game that really intrigue me the most intellectually, and transfer easily into other areas like sales, marketing and business (closing scripts and routinizing common objection scenarios, qualification and framing, building social proof etc).


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