Pancake’s Laws of Vacation Tinder

These may or may not have been inspired by a trip to <American city near you> this past week.

Law 1: No matter how far in advance you set your Tinder location to your new city, all matches you gain during that time will turn out to be worthless upon arrival.

Law 2: All of your hot, DTF matches will be 50 miles away.

Law 3: If you do find a girl that’s game for one night of fun, when you ask for her Instagram she’ll be have gained 30 pounds since her most recent photos.

Law 4: If you’re unable to bring girls back to wherever you’re staying, the only girls who are down to hook up inevitably won’t be able to host, either.

Law 5: Your most viable matches will come on the last day of your trip. As if fate wasn’t cruel enough, the hottest of these will come as you’re sitting in the airport on the way home, or, god forbid, after you’ve already flown far, far away.

Remember when Tinder was a spontaneous hookup app? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

3 thoughts on “Pancake’s Laws of Vacation Tinder

  1. digitalplan

    I realize this is maybe an impossible thing to sample, but does it ever seem to you like women are less interested in tinder than they used to be as a cultural moment? I’ve definitely noticed a decline in serious app use in all of the 20something women I know (even pre-covid). They either got fed up with all the morons or just decided they wanted to “meet people organically.” Not sure if this makes online gaming harder or if it screens more for the DTF crowd. Does this line up with your experience at all?


    1. This doesn’t line up with Tinder growth statistics: Now, it’s certainly possible that these are driven by mostly foreign users and guys, but I doubt it. Tinder is pretty much here to stay.

      I will note, however, that the number of women using Tinder in San Francisco has fallen sharply during the pandemic. As of a month ago there were about 6000 women in a 10 mile radius of me. In 2017, the last time I ran the stats, there were 10000+.

      It will be intriguing to see how online swipe apps far in a post-pandemic world. I certainly hope that women will leave them behind and start going outdoors again. I will join them.


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