These may or may not have been inspired by a trip to <American city near you> this past week.
Law 1: No matter how far in advance you set your Tinder location to your new city, all matches you gain during that time will turn out to be worthless upon arrival.
Law 2: All of your hot, DTF matches will be 50 miles away.
Law 3: If you do find a girl that’s game for one night of fun, when you ask for her Instagram she’ll be have gained 30 pounds since her most recent photos.
Law 4: If you’re unable to bring girls back to wherever you’re staying, the only girls who are down to hook up inevitably won’t be able to host, either.
Law 5: Your most viable matches will come on the last day of your trip. As if fate wasn’t cruel enough, the hottest of these will come as you’re sitting in the airport on the way home, or, god forbid, after you’ve already flown far, far away.
Remember when Tinder was a spontaneous hookup app? Pepperidge Farm remembers.