In the past two weeks, I have had plans with seven different women. Only one of those women did not flake. This, gentlemen, is the story of the San Francisco Bay Area.
First, let’s define what a flake is. I’ve heard different vocabulary for many different types of flaking, and I’d like to propose a standard set of terms. So, in order of severity:
Being ghosted is when a girl stops responding to your messages at any point before a firm date/time/location is set for a date.
Being flaked on is when a girl cancels firm plans with an excuse.
Being stood up is when a girl confirms firm plans, then goes radio silent and does not show up for a date.
Looking at it on this scale, it gets even worse: three of the seven girls girls flaked and three stood me up.
Imagine getting a phone number and knowing there’s a 5% chance you’ll ever see the girl. Imagine scheduling a date and knowing there’s a 15% chance it will ever happen. Imagine questioning everything you know about your own attractiveness and self-worth because you set aside your time for a girl and she did not respect you enough to even inform you that she wasn’t going to show up.
That is life in the pit of Hell. This is life in San Francisco.
I have had bad streaks before, like last October, when 85% of my numbers ghosted/flaked, but this is much worse. Much worse because after that time, I analyzed my texting, I switched things up, I got less wordy and more direct. I started pitching dates directly on Tinder instead of bantering back and forth.
Yet, when you encounter cases like this, it makes you think all the work was for naught.
I’ll humbly post texts from the above cases for self-analysis.
1. 21 year old Tinder match. After some innocent flirty banter over Tinder and text, she level-jumped sexually. Typically, I would give her plausible deniability and flip it on her by accusing her of “corrupting” me or something similar, but with the encouragement of the Playing with Fire Facebook group, I decided to amp up the sexuality. She stood me up and unmatched me on Tinder.
2. 24 year old Tinder match. Pitched wine and whiskey at a bar near me. She flaked on confirming the time, likely not interested in how far it was away from her.
3. 35 year old Tinder match with “no hookups” in her profile. Decided to 2-date her Blackdragon style. At the end of date one, I could tell she wanted it, so we ended the date with a really passionate kiss near her car. I also seeded the second date in person with her before she left. She flaked when I confirmed time.
4. 23 year old Bumble match. This girl has actually matched me three times on different apps. Pitched dinner at mine, she agreed, she then didn’t respond when confirming exact time, then respawned in the afternoon with a flake.
6. 20 year old, DMed her on Instagram, originally pitched dinner at mine. When the day came she was non-compliant and wanted me to meet her near her work in downtown SF. I played hardball but she didn’t give in. Met her downtown and hung out for 25 minutes, once I got compliance to physical touch (we were sitting on a couch with her head on my chest), I invited her back to mine. She gave an excuse about it being far away and said “next time”. I ended the date pretty abruptly after that.
The next day, I hit her up again and surprisingly she wanted to meet up that night. Again, pitched dinner at mine, she agreed, told her to let me know when she was boarding the train, then radio silence, standing me up.
So there you have it. The most amazing thing about these cases is that two of them actually involved girls I had seen at least once and had some level of investment with.
Not sure how much longer I can take this behavior.